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November 07

Commitment: one of the most horrible things in the world?

一边在给好朋友写婚礼上的祝福词，一边不断接到姐妹们的电话。好吧，我思考下这个问题。中学老师教过我们，睡前把搞不懂得问题温习一遍，大脑经过一晚上的休息，早上起来可能会奇迹般的想出答案。果然早上起来，打开msn，头条就是这篇专栏。电脑真好！
多少男生真的是想清楚了这扬扬洒洒11条才下的决心？下不了决心的，又是不是都能在这11条里为自己找到借口？白纸黑字看过之后，要改主意的现在还来得及吗？呵

11 Reasons Why Guys Might Be Afraid to Commit

It's generally true that if one half of a couple is ready to commit and the other isn't, it's usually the male half that's backing towards the exit. Here are 11 reasons why he may not be ready to take things to the next level.The most common guy question I hear from my girl friends is about commitment. They don't understand why it's such a dirty word for so many men. I'm a perfect example of the guy who is afraid of commitment, so I figured I could shed some light on why we are afraid to commit. Here's my list:

1. He Still Wants to Play the Field
Once a guy commits, he will lose the right to date other women. Most guys try to hold on to this right as long as they can, especially when they are not sure what they are looking for.

2. Girls Grow Up Faster Than Boys
"Committing" means "growing up" to some guys. And a lot of us guys don't want to grow up, or we want to delay the process of growing up as long as possible. Commitment is a sign of maturity, and some guys are simply too immature to commit.

3. There's Someone Else
It's hard for a guy to commit to one woman if he's got others on his mind — imagine trying to commit if you had a couple of guys on your mind.

4. He's Got Other Priorities
In life, it's tough to balance love, family, work, etc. If there are things in his life that demand more attention than his love life, he'll commit to the other stuff and deal with love when he can.

5. He's Got Baggage/He's Afraid of Intimacy
Maybe he's had a bad experience with a past girlfriend, or he's a child of divorce. Unresolved pain in his past can prevent him from committing.

6. He's Afraid It Won't Work Out
Committing involves risk. You are essentially taking a plunge, and investing energy in the relationship. Some people feel that it's not worth a try unless it's 100% certain it will work out. But, you can never really be that sure of things, and that unknown keeps some people from committing.

7. None of His Friends Have Committed
If you are able to get the first guy of his group of friends to commit, I commend you. Most of us want to commit eventually, but we don't want to be the first one, and there is respect among guys for the last single guy in the pack.

8. He's Only in It for Sex
Sadly, some guys are just out for a conquest. Keep a close eye on things so you're not a victim of one of these kind of guys. Usually, if you have a gut feeling that he's interested only in the bedroom, you're right.

9. He's Still "Selfish"
A few weeks ago, my friend was freaking out via text because his wife scheduled a dinner the night of the Ravens nationally televised Monday Night Football game. He was "extremely jealous" that I planned to lay in my boxers alone watching the Ravens game in HD. Committed relationships are acts of selflessness. We are giving ourselves and our time and energy to one another. I know that I'm still in a selfish period in my life: I'd rather wake up at 10 AM on Sunday and read about The Sex Pistols and Maryland history on Wikipedia instead of waking up at 9 AM and going to brunch with a girlfriend. Some day we all get less selfish with our time, but when that occurs differs for everyone.

10. He's Not into You Enough to Commit
Most of the reasons a guy won't commit have to do with the guy. But he may see you as a fun person to date, but never thought of you as someone he'd commit to in the end. It's tough to swallow when this is the situation, but sometimes it's easy to resolve it in your mind this way and move on.

11. You're Pressuring Him Too Much to Commit
If he's going to commit, let him come to that moment on his own. If you continue to bring it up, he may become bitter and annoyed at the whole thought of it. You'd rather him come to the decision to commit naturally on his own, and not because he was pressured to do so anyway. Just think about how you feel when someone pressures you to do something you're not sure about.

Any combination of these reasons could contribute to a guy's reluctance to commit. One of the biggest factors in the success of any relationship is timing. If you're out of synch in a relationship or not on the same page in terms of commitment, then you may not be right for one another and should move on.

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November 02